i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
