I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
