I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
