I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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