"it" just moved
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
