if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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