I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
