I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
