she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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