We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
