Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
