these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
