she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
