1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
how drunk are you?
Several
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
