I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
