Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
