I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
