I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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