If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
