so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
