who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
