drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
