Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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