This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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