I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
