Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
