My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
