EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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