just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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