You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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