Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
