I will die if light touches me.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
