When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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