you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
