we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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