I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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