Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
