Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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