I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
