You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
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he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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