the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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