i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
