she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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