Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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