So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
