none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
