And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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