Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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