I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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