I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
