Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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