This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
