I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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