This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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