I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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