If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
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I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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