I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
