Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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