There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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