P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
