Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.