Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
