So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken