she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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