You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
