remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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