i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize