...so i touched it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
