MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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