Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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