I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
