She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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