She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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