I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
