She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
